Are you embarrassed by your lack of imagination when it comes to talking about poop? Do you wish you could dazzle your friends and family with vivid descriptions of your bowel movements? You’ve come to the right place.

Whether you want to flex your vocabulary skills or find a more discreet way to tell your coworkers you’re about to wreck the office toilet, you need some new ways to talk about poop. Accordingly, we’re arming you with 69 synonyms and euphemisms for your favorite bodily function. 

In case you fell asleep during fifth grade English class, a synonym is a word you can substitute for another; a euphemism is a phrase you substitute for something unpleasant or embarrassing (like pooping).

Class is now in session.

Synonyms for Poop

Here’s an alphabetized list of words you can use in place of “poop.” Note: most of them refer to solid poop, but others can be used in place of diarrhea. 

• Crap
• Doo-doo
• Dookie
• Droppings
• Dung
• Excrement
• Excreta
• Fecal matter
• Feces
• Hershey squirts
• Human waste
• Manure
• Number two
• Ordure
• Poo
• The runs
• Scat
• Shit
• Stool
• Turd

Euphemisms for Pooping (AKA “Poophemisms”)

Here’s a list of expressions you can swap for the standard “using the restroom.” You’ll notice they range from phrases you’d find in a medical textbook to things you’d hear inside a dive bar at 3 a.m.

• Answer nature’s call
• Bake some brownies
• Baptize a Baby Ruth
• Build a log cabin
• Clear the pipes
• Code brown
• Conduct an aerial strike on Porcelainistan
• Cut a cigar
• Defecate
• Destroy the toilet
• Download some software
• Drive out the prairie dogs
• Drop a bomb
• Drop a deuce
• Drop some potatoes in the crockpot
• Drop the kids off at the pool
• Drown a brown snake
• Evacuate your bowels
• Feed the fish
• Go number two
• Have a bowel movement (BM)
• Lay a stink pickle
• Lay some cable
• Liquidate some assets
• Logging out
• Make a deposit in the porcelain bank
• Make room for lunch
• Massage the mud vein
• Morning constitutional
• Negotiating the release of the chocolate hostages
• Pinch a loaf
• Pop a squat
• Release the Kraken
• Relieve yourself
• See a man about a horse
• Squeeze some sausage
• Start the fudge shuttle
• Stock the lake with brown trout
• Strangle a Snickers
• Take a crap
• Take a dump
• Take a growler
• Take a shit
• Take the Browns to the Super Bowl
• Throw down some brown
• Unload some timber
• Unloose the caboose
• Use the big, white telephone
• Visit the porcelain throne

Many Words, One Wipe

As you can see, there are dozens of ways to describe your pooping habits. But there’s only one right way to clean up after you’ve done the deed: DUDE Wipes. 

No matter the shape, size, color, or smell of your poop, these extra-large flushable wipes can handle the mess and keep you fresh in ways toilet paper could never dream of.